Mediocre

I’ve read about what causes people to not take action on a creative project. I’ve heard of “Fear of Failure” and “Fear of Success.” For me, though, I get hung up on what I call a Fear of mediocrity.

I fear just doing something that’s okay.

I’ve done bad stuff. Heck, most of my work has been bad. At least in my eyes. I always want to improve and that always makes me see previous work as bad. Well, not “bad” but not up to standards I feel are up to snuff. Most of my early work, and some of my later work has been bad. I’ve developed, through hard work, a level of professionalism that shows I have improved. I’ve done a few things that I feel were good. Some because of award nominations, but some because I see I stepped out of a comfort zone.

I always want to push myself past mediocrity. I want to do work that is better than just okay. I don’t always do it. I try, but sometimes things just fall apart. So, when I start a new project, I’m not hampered by success or failure, what gets me overanalyzing is always questioning if the work is just okay. Bad is okay. I’ve done bad and I will probably do bad again. Heck, you can’t do great without doing an awful lot of bad.

Sometimes worrying if something is just mediocre makes me push harder and that’s a good thing. I want more of that worry. Not the kind that makes me stop and start.

I’m working on a pitch for a new book. I don’t want it to be middle-of-the-road. So, I keep telling myself to analyze the story. Find other avenues the story could take. Don’t take the safe, trite route. I’m going to try to dare to be bad to find something good.

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